Destination Syndrome
The belief that happiness is at the destination. The constant chase for fulfilment.
I wanted to write a blog on something that I believe is very important, something that I believe some people can resonate with, something that myself and my nearest and dearest struggle with. Not everyone can relate to this, but you'll know straight away if this is you...
"I'll be happy when I'm done with flight training", "I will be happy when I get my dream job", "I just need to get my next exam done, then I'll be happy", "I will be happy once I start my flight training", "I'll be happy once it's summer", "I will be happy when.... and the list goes on.
Wishing your life away?...I know I'm guilty. What moment are you wishing away your life for right now? It may even be a few moments. I hope it's worth it!
See our life will be full of big moments, our first house, achieving our dream job, our wedding day, our next holiday and many more we wish ahead too. In this day and society we find life more of a comparison game, feeling the need to achieve what everyone else is, the pressure that we have some sort of a timeline we must adhere to and waiting for our turn. The truth is, the moments we wait for take up a very minute percentage of our life, let's say, as an example, we average it out to one moment we wish for a year and we live for 70 years, that's 1 moment for every 365 days. So that's 70 moments for 25,550 days! That's 0.27% of our lives we are truly happy and fulfilled.
Now I know that sounds a bit dramatic and of course, we will be happy many other of those days for whatever reason, but as an example, it just goes to show you how much of your life you could be wishing away and how, no wonder why we may feel unfulfilled, unhappy, unmotivated and negative thoughts dance around in our minds until we achieve the next goal. Then the big moment arrives and back around the viscous cycle we go.
It's easy to get caught up in wanting your next big achievement, especially if you're an ambitious person. I mean social media teaches you that you should always be achieving and if you're not then you're doing something wrong. It seems the more motivated and the more you want to achieve, almost the more you feel unfulfilled like you need to achieve more. Now I personally don't think this is necessarily a bad trait to have, it's great to have such big ambitions and motivation, however, there comes a point when it becomes unhealthy. It causes tunnel vision and that life is 'only to be lived when achieving'. This part isn't healthy. You're only human.
First, we should define what 'achieving' is, what will create that fulfilment for you. It's more about the little 'wins' between the big events, it's about the life that happens around them, the life that gets us to that big moment. The 6hrs of revision for the big test you want to pass that should be applauded, the hours upon hours of work that have earnt you the money to fund the big moment you're after. Only you will know what your little wins are and can appreciate them. Find out what these are, what will make you happy daily, things you can pat yourself on the back for no matter how small it is.
Secondly, I would say finding other goals/tasks you can set. I've listed what I want to achieve for the year other than finishing flight school and hoping for an airline job. It includes learning more Spanish, working on my fitness, taking my family and friends on flights, funnily enough writing more blogs etc. I don't expect to complete the whole list but checking some off will be satisfying and make me happy. Perhaps the same may work for you? I find it makes you less fixated on the big goals, appreciating the time in between.
Thirdly, look how far you've come. If it's achieving a new job, well they picked you and you made that happen. If it's completing a course, well all that hard work you put in paid off. Think how proud younger you would be right now. Write down as many things as you can think of that you've achieved in your lifetime and actually look at that! It's all good looking up the mountain to see how much further you have to climb, but have you really looked back and seen how far you've come?
Lastly, we don't have to achieve to be happy. As much as we hate to admit it, we're not always going to achieve something, at times you may feel 'lazy' or 'unproductive'. It's VERY important to know, that is okay! Give yourself a break, even when you feel like you shouldn't be having a break, I can almost assure you, you deserve it. The number of times I feel like I haven't achieved anything and am hard on myself because I haven't accomplished anything, beit a day or a few months or however long, is crazy. Something I must work on. But looking back, I don't think of those days because I remember the moments I achieved prior to that and following that. Either way, who says we have to constantly achieve? Plus if we achieved all the time then achieving wouldn't be rewarding? You can't have good without bad, you have to take a handful of both.
Life is constantly happening between these moments, the daily walks, the commute to work, the early morning rises, the first step out of bed, the seemingly mundane is what make up the majority of your life. Enjoy it, for it's not forever.
Anyways I'll stop rambling, I'm sure there are many great Tedtalks or influencers out there that can help way more than I. Actually, Diary Of A CEO has some great podcasts I can recommend!
I hope this helps, or even maybe makes you feel like it's not just you going through this. I always feel that just discussing it with people helps. So please feel free to start commenting below to show support or of course, feel free to pop me a message :)
Ash x
Note: The inspiration for this post comes from my other half, Tom, one of the most inspiring, hard-working people I have ever met. I wanted to write this for him and anyone else that reads it, in the hope it may help you deal with it a little better, even if it's the first stepping stone to improvement.
